Today was one of those days. Where everything is fighting against you, bringing up painful memories, showing you your worst qualities and demonstrating them in a way not even you can ignore. My whole world was fighting against me. With some help from my glorious Bishop, I am moving on. This day will not only be in my mind because it was a challenge, but also because I have accepted it. I have made plenty of mistakes in my lifetime, this I already knew; in the last few hours, it seems they have all been compounded and thrown into my face with a violence otherwise unprecedented. After the general upheaval ceased, and with many pointers from those I love, I am looking to learn instead of prove. This is what I have learned, or am in the process of learning.
I am not as strong, smart, or brave as I thought I should be.
However, that does not mean I am not strong, smart or brave.
In fact, I am all three. Not as much as I want to be, but I know where I'm at. And I am proud of how far I have come.
I do not have to prove myself to anyone. I know me. I know my limitations, and I know my strengths. Sometimes it takes a lot of work to realize my limitations, but I'm learning them. And that's what counts.
I can learn from my experiences, and that is what the last few months have been. I have finally accepted that.
I love my family, I love where I am, and I am learning to love myself.
Isn't life, great?
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
love love me.
I am OBSESSED with the band MIKA right now. It's kinda the best thing I've ever heard in my life. THey're upbeat and hilarious, and I LOVE them. Love Today. Best song ever.
This week has been pretty good! The sun is out, the world is happy. It's 43 outside, so I got to wear just a t-shirt and jeans to school. First time I've been able to do that in a LONG time. Seriously. I love it. SO MUCH. Everyone in the whole city is happy, you can just feel it. People smile at each other on campus, no matter what complications arise in their day. We say hi to each other like more civilized people than college students. And the cars DON"T always try to run you over! That is most definitely a change. A week ago, I met this girl Renee who lives on the floor above me in my apartment complex. You'll never guess-- turns out we're almost the same people. I almost want to call my mom and see if we were twins at birth. No joke. We met on this date, that came up out of nowhere. Super funny. Apparently she was trying to leave the whole time because she had school stuff to do. We run into each other a few times since, and we've had people ask us if we're related. Not in a :are you guys related? way; rather, it was more of a "PLEASE tell me you guys are related." She finishes my sentences, we talk the same, we don't get along with girls very well. She plays volleyball like a beast. And I don't know where she's been all my life! She lived in a small town in CA, close to Camarillo. Crazy, right? I still don't understand completely, but I appreciate it. It's kinda FREAKING awesome.
These night terror things are definitely not going away yet. I give it until the end of the week, and then I will get a blessing. It shall be an interesting experience. The crazy thing, as tired as I am, I feel alive for the first time in a while. I'm not sure entirely what was bogging me down. The physical exhaustion I feel cannot keep me from grinning and dancing around and just enjoying this moment. Even if the next moment I pass out of exhaustion.
I"M SO HUNGRY. Ooops. I ate already! I'm not supposed to be hungry again! But I am. Hopefully Meg will keep me from eating everything we have in the house.
IT"S SO FLUFFY I"M GONNA DIE. oh. And Megamind was awesome.
Peace and Blessings, peace And blessings.
This week has been pretty good! The sun is out, the world is happy. It's 43 outside, so I got to wear just a t-shirt and jeans to school. First time I've been able to do that in a LONG time. Seriously. I love it. SO MUCH. Everyone in the whole city is happy, you can just feel it. People smile at each other on campus, no matter what complications arise in their day. We say hi to each other like more civilized people than college students. And the cars DON"T always try to run you over! That is most definitely a change. A week ago, I met this girl Renee who lives on the floor above me in my apartment complex. You'll never guess-- turns out we're almost the same people. I almost want to call my mom and see if we were twins at birth. No joke. We met on this date, that came up out of nowhere. Super funny. Apparently she was trying to leave the whole time because she had school stuff to do. We run into each other a few times since, and we've had people ask us if we're related. Not in a :are you guys related? way; rather, it was more of a "PLEASE tell me you guys are related." She finishes my sentences, we talk the same, we don't get along with girls very well. She plays volleyball like a beast. And I don't know where she's been all my life! She lived in a small town in CA, close to Camarillo. Crazy, right? I still don't understand completely, but I appreciate it. It's kinda FREAKING awesome.
These night terror things are definitely not going away yet. I give it until the end of the week, and then I will get a blessing. It shall be an interesting experience. The crazy thing, as tired as I am, I feel alive for the first time in a while. I'm not sure entirely what was bogging me down. The physical exhaustion I feel cannot keep me from grinning and dancing around and just enjoying this moment. Even if the next moment I pass out of exhaustion.
I"M SO HUNGRY. Ooops. I ate already! I'm not supposed to be hungry again! But I am. Hopefully Meg will keep me from eating everything we have in the house.
IT"S SO FLUFFY I"M GONNA DIE. oh. And Megamind was awesome.
Peace and Blessings, peace And blessings.
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